5 Ways to Overcome the Baby Tantrums

Nothing gets the tension running in our body quite like when our kids start to throw tantrums. We may be tired of chasing after our kids, keeping them fed, warm, and clean, entertain them, and all but nothing drains us more than when we’re dealing with emotions and the big feelings of our little ones. So from one learning parent to another, here are some of the tips and ways I’ve researched for you to help navigate those huge meltdowns when you’re out and about with your little ones.

1. Don’t care about what other people think. Really and truly. It’s a shame that our society is filled with a lot of judgemental eyes, and brings a lot of parent-shaming. But my dear parent, you got to learn to ignore all those judgemental eyes and you do you. The fact that you stumbled upon this post is already a testament to your efforts to become a better parent than you were yesterday and today. Contrary to what other people think, tantrums are healthy and are a significant sign of brain development. It’s more of how we as parents help our kids get through their tantrums that we should care about, and not what other people have to say about you or your kid.

2. Focus on keeping YOURSELF calm. Yes, this is easier said than done AND I KNOW IT IS HARD (dear me, do I ever). But what our kids need at the moment, is the fact that we can handle their big emotions, that we still love them despite these emotions, and that we are there to help them regulate and navigate these big emotions. Intense emotions from you as the adult will lead to a longer spiraling of meltdowns, which we do NOT need. Help them name their emotions (whether it is sad, angry, or frustrated) and let them know that their feelings are valid.

3. Figure out the root cause of the tantrum. Especially for our pre-verbal little ones, sometimes we may need to double-check if we missed something before we go on a wild goose chase of figuring out why the heck is our kid in hysterics. It could be because they’re overstimulated, hungry, tired, sleepy, feeling sick, or needs a diaper change. Address these needs as soon as you can and bring them out of the public eye as much as possible. However, we also need to put into consideration their need for emotional connection, quality time, and extra cuddles. As they get older, tantrums will be from a cycle of power struggles and the like, to which it would be important to stick to our words and rules. So be sure to make your rules as simple as you can, and try to make a safe and yes space for your kids.

4. Keep your boundaries. This is a hard one (well, I mean really, which part of dealing with a tantrum is easy). Especially when we are in the height of emotions and we just want the screaming/whining/crying to stop, we tend to give in to that one more candy, screen time, or that crazy request they just have to do (eating paper, anyone?). But what our babies need is someone who can withhold the boundaries for them, then they’ll feel safe. And it may not look like it, but in the long run, this will be more beneficial for you and your child. You both will have the understanding that in certain stuff in life, no means no.

5. Empathize, rather than criticize. Repeat after me, mamas and dadas: My kid is not giving me a hard time, they’re having a hard time. Our babies, just like any adult, are human beings. Furthermore, their brains that deal with big emotions and regulating themselves are still in the process of growing. And really, life is tough for them, they don’t understand a lot of things, why they’re always told no, why we need to work, and all the other simple things for us adults to understand that are in NO WAY understandable for their little minds to comprehend. So sometimes, a little empathy is what they need. To agree with them that life can get tough sometimes, but through it all, they’re still loved.

There you have it, my five tips for you dear parents. These learnings are just a preview of all the goodness and learnings you’re in for in the book The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina. Give this book a read and share in the comments what you think of it (You can further check out my favorites page to check out my other recommended books for you, dear parents!). It’s revolutionary, teaches us to reparent ourselves, and backed up in research yo. Here’s to raising emotionally resilient kids in the future.