Things I learned as a First Time Mom in 2020

Parenting is hard. It has its perks, but it’s definitely back-breaking work and more often than not an emotionally draining experience more than anything we’ve ever come across before. But it’s worth mentioning again and again though, that the process is still so much more worth it, more than anything we can ever dream of. And even more so in these challenging times of a global pandemic, these lessons I’m about to share could hopefully prepare those soon to be mommas out there. Or if you’re a first-time mom just like me, well, hopefully, you can relate and know that you are not alone. Know that I see you and I hear you. So without further ado, let’s dive in. 

1. The real deal of living for the sake of others – In our church, this is a very common phrase you will hear: “living for the sake of others”, and I feel that it is not something that I can wholeheartedly manifest in my daily life until I actually became a mom. I’ve been in my fair share of volunteer and outreach activities, advocacies, and multiple events where I poured my whole heart and soul for its success. But none of it compares to the concept of self-denial I need to overcome when I became a mom. You just simply wholly invest the entirety of your being into this tiny little human that the concept of ‘me’ no longer seemed to exist. And when the realization finally hit that I won’t ever be the same person again, man, I realized just how selfish I actually was. But the thing is, in this process of losing who I was as a person, I also discovered another version of me. And that is the me to whom I can dedicate my existence for the sake of my kid.  

2. A few winks are better than nothing  – When you’re a mom, and I believe I am not alone in saying this, you’re just tired. All the time. BUT no matter how tired you are, you just somehow are able to muster the energy you need to do the things that you need to be doing. And I am not even kidding. Especially during the survival days of handling a newborn, and your kid is not an easy kid as some people are lucky to have that just basically sleeps, eats, and poops, but a baby that can cry like there’s no tomorrow, yeah, I feel we are pretty amazing to be able to still get the energy to deal with other things such as household chores or getting any form of food in our system. I don’t know about you, but my kid somehow has the exact instinct that he would just about decide to wake up from his nap as soon as I can get my body to relax even a little bit. But still, a few winks or minutes of snooze is still better than nothing for me.  

3. Mom instinct is no joke – I’ve always marveled over the fact that my mom can just tell when I am feeling down or is having a bad day in general or just has this instinct when it comes to her insights with some of the people I surround myself with. She just knows when I need her and sometimes, a hug from her is all it takes to take the bad vibes away. Even when I was pregnant, I’ve wondered if I would ever be that kind of mama to my future kid. As soon as I gave birth, I immediately had my answer. It’s there. We just somehow have the sense when our kid needs us. And we go with our gut instinct to fulfill whatever it is that our child needs. Just a disclaimer though, it’s not something 100% reliable and almighty. But it’s something to go and listen to when we are at loss with what to do. 

4. There are too many resources out there – In this age of internet and modern technology, there’s definitely no excuse not to get our hands on information for anxious first-time parents like us. Even the simple things such as what if my kid doesn’t wake up from a nap when it’s been 4 hrs or why doesn’t he sleep or even how to check properly if he’s still breathing gets asked to our omnipresent best friend called Google. It has relieved me of a lot of questions and worries for the most part, but there’s a caveat to this mountain of information as well. It can sometimes make us even more anxious than we were in the first place. So my advice? Sometimes, it’s worthwhile to make discoveries about your kid without worrying if what you’re doing is correct or not. 

5. Mom guilt is heavy – I cannot even begin to describe how heavy a burden this is to bear. I’m already a very overly anxious person myself, and I have a tendency to blame myself more often than not and make a pity party for all that I was worth. One example of this was when my kid was just 2 days old and the nurses told me that my kid has not yet pooped at all for the past how many hours and was not gaining weight at the rate he should have been growing, basically saying that my kid was not getting enough (or if there even was any) milk from me. And the guilt ratcheted 1000 times more when my baby was crying and I know I should have been the one to provide what he needs but I just can’t. So yeah, it’s heavy when you can’t provide something your kid needs from you. But my advice to deal with this is in my exact next point. 

6. You are the best mom for your kid – The fact that you are over worrying and fretting about your kid? Continuously researching for ways on how to make his sleep better, his feedings, his playtime better? That makes you the best mom for your kid. You yourself know about his temperaments, you have the sense deep down what your kid really needs at the moment. So if he’s having an episode and wouldn’t stop crying outside? Ignore the judgemental stares and the mom-shaming gossip mongers. They’re not the ones responsible for your kid. You are. And their stares and opinions don’t matter (for the most part), what matters is that you are the person who your kid trusts to make things better. You are their favorite person in the world. In fact, you are their world. Let me repeat, you are the best mom. Just continue to do what you’re doing, which is to always question how to make things better, find ways to make yourself better, and do them. That alone is what makes you receive the title, “best mom”. 

Hopefully, you were able to pick up something from these lessons as well. Parenting is definitely not something for the faint-hearted. But the rewards are always so much sweeter. A laugh, a smile, a smirk, a proud grin from your child. I know it’s easier said than done, but cherish these moments, mama! They’ll be your kid forever, they just need you a lot more in this phase. Hang in there and keep on keeping on!