How to Develop Independent Play With Your Child

As busy parents, we most likely have about a million things to do on our to-do list by the time we wake up. There are meals to prepare, laundry to throw in the wash, toys (that you just cleared 5 minutes ago) to be cleared, work deadlines to be met, and sometimes the most exhausting of all, could be entertaining and following our kids, making sure they stick to routines. 

But life happens, and sometimes, we parents need a break from entertaining our kids to actually get a portion of our workload done. So how do we get the job done without being guilty of ignoring our children’s needs? Enter: Independent Play. Play is not only a child’s work, they learn so many things through play, but they also make sense of the world around us through play. 

So how do we encourage our children to play independently by themselves? 

1. Observe first.

If there’s anything we need to learn from Montessori, this is definitely one of the most important things to take note of. We learn so much from our kids when we observe them from an objective point of view. Such as their interests, readiness for an activity, and how we can empower them to become independent themselves. 

When we observe our children, we will be able to make insights into our children’s interests and create activities that would most likely be in line with their interests. Remember that we can never force them to do something for long if they’re not genuinely interested in them. 

2. Model the activity. 

Through the ‘findings’ we’ve taken note of through our observations, we can now create activities or mindfully choose toys that would ‘hopefully’ catch our kids’ interest. It may be a hit or miss, but that’s ok! We are all forever learners in this parenting journey. Simply keep the activity for now and bring them out later in the future. 

Take note though, that when we’ve displayed an activity, one reason why our kids may not be interested in it is that they simply don’t know how to play with it. So model for them how to play the activity or toy with simple words, do the actions step by step, and then offer your child the chance to try. 

3. Stay by their side.

Here’s the deal: our kids naturally want to be beside us as their parents or caregivers. Wherever you are based, is where they’ll feel more safe and secure to play independently. So one tip here is to set out the activity where you’re not intensely needing the mental space, where you’re exercising, folding the laundry, cooking. 

Continue to do your job and don’t necessarily engage with them. Of course, this requires you to babyproof the area prior to setting up the activity to minimize the stress of them exploring the kitchen, laundry room, or wherever you plan to have your kiddo tag along while you do your job. 

4. Protect your child’s time.

I highly recommend Jasmine’s (@3mm.montessori) courses if you wish to be coached best on how to apply the Montessori philosophy in your own homes. In one of her courses, she discussed the child’s time, and you can read all about my takeaway about this concept in my IG post here. 

In essence, your child’s time is their time of focus and concentration on an activity. To protect your child’s concentration, which promotes independent play, don’t disturb or interrupt their workflow. Asking them questions or correcting their movements are examples of interruptions. Wait for them to naturally break out of their work states before engaging with them.

5. Plan your exit. 

So the ideal setting here is that your child is delightfully engaged with the activity you’ve set up for them for maybe at least one minute, they know how to play the activity without your help (yay). Now when you need to go and do something else, you can actually let them know gently by whispering to them that you’ll be leaving and that you’ll be back. 

This is where your observation skills will help you plan when to leave them physically alone. Observe when they’re in the zone, if you need to leave them alone for just a quick while, you can gradually inch yourself away from your child, or you can let them know beforehand that you will be leaving and that you’ll be back. 

Bear in mind that every home is different, and at the end of the day, you know your child best. These are all just my suggestions to help empower your child to play independently. As the parent and leader of the home, you can always come up with your own strategies on how you can best empower your child to play independently. 

Remember that we are all just learning along in the process, and remember that you and your child are a team together to pull this off. Cheering for you in your respective parenting journey!