How to Handle Parental Preference
Parental preference. An oftentimes recurring stage where your child prefers you over your partner or other assigned caregivers. I know, dear parent. This can be so hard. It’s not easy on either party, being the rejected or the preferred parent. It’s exhausting, disheartening, and leaves us questioning where did we go wrong.
Let me just assure the rejected parent first, that your child feeling safe and assured enough in being able to express their feelings with you is a good sign. It shows that they’re free to act whatever big feeling they have inside because they know, you will still accept them no matter what.
Without further ado, let’s dive into how to handle this stage of our toddlers.
1. Prep them beforehand.
Prepping is huge for our little ones. For them, knowledge is literally the only power they can muster in a lot of situations. They have no control over going to the dentist appointment, their bedtimes, their meals. So letting them know about what to expect allows them to prepare their mind at least of what’s to come.
Hence, let them know beforehand that it is Mama or Papa’s time to handle bedtime/bathtime, etc. Give them a visual cue chart, in fact, to continuously remind themselves that “oh tonight, it’s going to be Mama/Papa’s turn,”. This hopefully gives them time to ready their minds and to be fully aware of what to expect during bedtime/bathtime.
2. Stick to a predictable routine (with VISUAL AIDS even, if it helps enforces the thought with your kids).
If you should know anything about toddlers, it is the fact that they thrive in predictability and routines. The more informed they are and aware of what to expect, the (hopefully) fewer meltdowns there will be. Hence, having an established routine that both parents stick to is the ideal scenario here.
Give them additional power by having a visual checklist they can put stickers in when they’ve done a certain task. This allows them to know what they should do next, and even gives them a sense of accomplishment every night. You can even grab a printable PDF bedtime checklist here. You can also read more about my IG post regarding bedtime battles here.
3. Validate their feelings and hold that boundary.
Even if we’ve prepped our kids and even a sticker promise, they may still come back to parental preference. Especially when you’ve just begun implementing this strategy. Continuously validate their emotions, empathize with them. They may most likely get upset, and they’re entitled to do that. But it is your responsibility as a parent to hold that boundary.
When we already prepped them beforehand, saying that tonight it is mama’s turn to do bathtime, they wanted daddy, and you give in, then they’ll use it as further incentive to push you again the next time. And it all becomes a vicious cycle. Again, empathize and validate their feelings, but stick to your words, and give them the promise of the preferred parent tomorrow.
4. Connect with your partner afterward.
I feel this is the most important step when the bedtimes are said and done. Connect with your partner after an exhausting bedtime (or when you find the time). And even if there will be no sound resolution that will be found, just the fact of allowing each other’s feelings to be heard will be some sort of therapy for you both.
Remember that your couples’ relationship is just as precious as your relationship with your child is. Your couples’ relationship is also the firm foundation for your child to feel secure in your family as a unit. It may be imperfect and has flaws, but just continuously and consciously work on your relationship together to prevent any miscommunications or budding resentments.
And there you have it, dear parent. Hopefully, this post has given you some actionable steps on how you can work things through with your child’s stage of parental preference. Remember that you do what works best for your family. And as always, cheering for you in your respective parenting journeys!
Kristine🌸
