How To Deal With Pushbacks After School
After a whole year (or two) of living in the pandemic, you’d think that we’d be experts in handling sudden changes and whatnot. But after adjusting to the new normal, with establishments easing back to normal operations, we now have to deal with transitioning back to a new new normal. We throw in some extra safety precautions with wearing masks all around and excessive hand washing too.
And if we, as adults, are already having difficulty adjusting to such changes, how much more for our little ones, who rely a lot on structure, routines, and rhythms? Our child who, after being home with us for so long, now needs to deal with going back to school, which means dealing with peers, some academic expectations, and new environments.
So from one learning parent to another, let’s dive into some ways for us to lessen the pushbacks to one of the most common events that have a lot of our kids ticking like time bombs, the after school madness:
1. Check if their physiological needs are met.
Sometimes the reason for our child’s meltdowns and tantrums may simply be their body’s reactions to an unmet need. Even we as adults easily get irritated or lose our tempers if we’re too hungry or sleep-deprived. Hence, for our children who have yet to learn impulse control and emotional regulation when their basic needs are unmet, will have pushback episodes.
Do a rundown check if they’re hungry, thirsty, overtired, overstimulated, their diaper is too wet or heavy, or they may also simply be not feeling well. As it is with dealing with a pandemic in our midst, do engage and teach your child the importance of washing their hands, maintaining social distancing, or wearing masks. Keep it a general running conversation in your home.
2. Re-connect first before doing the TDL routines.
Oftentimes, we parents tend to stick to doing so many routinary chores and wanting our after-school checklist to be just over and done with. Dinner prep, dinner, clearing the mess after dinner, bath time, the whole bedtime routine. Add in the occasional sibling fights, picky eating battles, and we’re just left running on empty by the time we’ve hit the aforementioned finish line.
To prevent pushbacks at every turn, try to carve out some special time with your kids. Reconnect by doing something they’d love to do by relaxing, having a dance party, some casual snack time talks, or simply talking or a warm hug for 5 minutes. Establish reconnection after being separated with your kids, fill their love tanks, and transition gently to the next round of to-do lists.
3. Prep your child for the transition.
After carving out some special time reconnecting with your children, do prep them for what’s about to happen next. This can be a simple “Ok, this will be your last [song to dance to/ biscuit for your snack/ activity to play with], after this, you need to [wash your hands for dinner / help me prepare dinner]. Do one step even better and give them choices!
Another option for you would be to have a transition timer or alarm clock. Our little ones’ concept of time is not so fully developed just yet. Hence a simple sand hourglass timer for 1 to 2 minutes would help them have a more visual sense of their remaining time left for what they’re doing now. You can give them further control by letting them tip the timer themselves!
4. Set up time for independent and free play.
When our kids have a lot of pushbacks, one of the many reasons could be their urge to have some form of control in their lives. We are dictating their entire schedule from the time they wake up even to the number of hours they must ‘technically’ sleep. So setting up our kids for a multitude of lessons back to back might backfire on you.
But this is definitely different from family to family, and completely up to you on what would work best. Just simply have a mind for your kids to have free and unstructured play, where they can do whatever it is that they want to do. This allows them to observe and play with anything their minds can conjure themselves.
And those are the basic tips I’d give you dear parent! Remember, however, that tantrums, pushbacks, and meltdowns are all parts and parcel of their developing brain. So all these tips may not necessarily obliterate them, but they might help you lessen them, or at the very least, make it last shorter than usual.
The most important and basic thing of all is that we continue to see them, as humans who need to reconnect, and that despite all these, they are all still inherently good kids having a tough time. Cheering for you dear parents in our respective journeys!
Kristine.
If you’re interested to read my other posts on dealing with tantrums, pushback, and meltdowns, you can all read them here:
7 Steps to Handle Your Toddler’s Big Feelings
