Ways To Repair With Your Child After Yelling at Them
Ah yes, the good old unstoppable yelling and shouting sessions with our kids. It doesn’t seem to end after they’ve discovered that their one (or several) small actions can ignite such reactions in us. Although we can implement some strategies for us to prevent shouting at our kids, let’s face it, none of us are perfect parents. We’d end up raising our voices at our kids at some point or another. How do we repair with our child then?
Despite our best efforts, we’d most likely and unintentionally lost it on our kids. What should we do then? Let’s dive in.
1. Repair with yourself first.
I know the title says ‘repair’ with your kid but my first step is to repair with yourself. But this is also for us to set the tone in our repair efforts. If we continue to wallow in the parent guilt of shouting at our kids, how can we begin to repair our relationship with our own child? Try to give yourself grace for the efforts you’ve done thus far.
Let’s dispatch the if-then equation with parenting. IF we love our kids, THEN we have endless patience. Instead, we can accept that BOTH can be true. We love our kids, AND parenting is overwhelming. Acknowledge the fact that you’re a parent who’s trying their best, AND is going to make mistakes as you try to improve yourself.
2. Model apology.
We always prompt our kids to apologize but they might never understand how to do it sincerely. You can use this as an opportunity to model apologies, sincerity, and making mistakes. Remember that empathy is one of the last social skills that our children will develop. But that doesn’t mean that we can model it for them, young as they are.
Furthermore, if there was a time prior to you reading this post that you’ve probably made a ‘mistake’ with your child, even if it was quite some time ago, do still take the time to address it. Sometimes, all your child needs is the acknowledgment that you made a mistake and feel sorry about it. The simple act of saying sorry is your way to repair with your child.
3. Refill your cup.
One reason for your unintentional outburst may be because you haven’t taken care of the most important element in your child’s environment, which is you. Burnout, sleep deprivation, work-related stress, familial obligations, anything could have been your tipping point. We’d always have something that might drive us to unintentional breaking points.
Hence, do find time to take care of yourself. It doesn’t have to be something overly luxurious. Sometimes, all you need may be the courage to ask for help, or a 10-minute walk to clear your head. Maybe even cutting down on your social media time to get a few more hours of sleep. Remember that you can never give from an empty cup, so have a mind to fill it up.
4. Be mindful of your inner world.
Try this exercise throughout the day, consider your feelings and emotions like a traffic signal from green to red. When it’s green, you’re feeling ok, happy, and ready to ‘go’ and take on the day. Yellow is a signal that you need to ‘slow down’. Your body is tense, and anything might just set you off. Red is the tipping point where you just need to ‘stop’ and catch a breather.
Take note of the times when you feel like your emotional dial is in the orange or red, and try to literally pause before you do anything you might regret later on. Here is a printable pdf of your traffic light for you to use as a visual tool to help you regulate your emotions! And hopefully, you can even progress on how to model this with your own child, as your repair with your child!
5. Celebrate the wins.
Dear parent, gentle reminder that your child doesn’t need a perfect parent. We don’t need to saddle them with the notion that we’re perfect. We all make mistakes, and hence we’d need to repair with our child. What they need is a present and engaged parent. Someone who sees them for who they are, someone worthy of respect no matter how little they are.
So for today, celebrate your wins. You got to snuggle an extra ten minutes. You cooked dinner together. You managed to squeeze in your special time together as a family. Focus on the improvements you made, day by day. You’re choosing to end generational cycles. You’re doing important work. So for now, rejoice in the small steps you’ve reached.
Hopefully, these tips resonate with you dear parents! Which among these tips have you found most helpful? Mine has been definitely letting go of my perfectionist side. I also have a summarized IG post about this blog post here. Below are also some of my gentle parenting tips for you to read up on:
What To Do When You’re Questioning Your Approach To Discipline
5 Ways To Get Your Child To Listen to You
5 Simple Ways to Begin Respectful Parenting in Your Home
As always, cheering for you dear parent in this parenting journey we have together!
Kristine 🌸
