What To Do When You’re Questioning Your Approach To Discipline
Nowadays, people are becoming more aware of all the different types of discipline and parenting approaches (respectful, gentle, positive, etc.). We may also be unaware of all these labels and instead apply a mixture of all these approaches. Nonetheless, we parents all have the same goal of raising our kids to become resilient and happy adults.
The road to approaching these types of disciplines backed by research, however, plays the long game. It doesn’t work with the easy quick fix we want everything else in our life to be. And we may find ourselves lacking the willingness to proceed. If you’re questioning yourself on how to best approach this, here are some tips to hopefully encourage you to stay true to your approach:
1. Find your why.
If we shall stick to the tried and tested ‘why’ here, it would be simply because my child is just like any other human being. He deserves to be treated with utmost love and respect. All of us humans, at the very heart of it all, simply wants to be seen, heard, witnessed and validated above all else. And our children are not exempted from it.
One incredible Parenting coach, Mr. Chazz Lewis, expressed the most simple reason why we shouldn’t resort to hitting our kids to discipline them. It’s not merely because of tons of backed-up research explaining the effects of Punishment-based discipline. But simply because our kids are human beings too who deserve to be respected.
What about you dear parent, why are you resorting to the type of discipline you’re using?
2. Find your community / village (or make one).
You know the saying “there’s power in numbers?”. There is definitely substance in the power of a community. They are our source of unconditional support in times of struggle and when we want to give up. We parents, need our village, not just to physically help us when we’re overwhelmed, but also to remind us that we’re on the right track of how we want to teach our children.
Our community can also exist virtually! Even if it’s simply on social media. Or maybe even the friendly garbage truck collectors, the food delivery people, and all the people who can teach your child about kindness and respect. The sky is the limit. We just need to keep our eyes and ears open to the goodness around us.
There can never be too much respect, kindness, or care for our children so long as it’s behind the lines of a boundary.
3. Connect with your partner.
My heart goes out to the couples who still don’t agree with the same approach to disciplining their child. I can only advise that you continue to model the kind of approach you want to do with your child, nudge your partner with research-backed articles, and treat him/her respectfully despite your indifferences.
For those who agree with their parenting approach, do try to reaffirm with each other your wins and successes every day. You don’t aim for perfection, but progress. There will be good days and bad days. And for those who send your kids to daycares/relatives who don’t agree with your approach, that’s ok.
As long as there’s one adult in your child’s life that makes them feel seen and respected, that is more than what most children get.
4. Parent your inner child.
Sometimes one of the reasons why we find it difficult to push through with being respectful, intentional, or mindful with our child is because of certain triggers that are underlying inside of us. Our inner child that wasn’t treated as such when we were young, and we lose it on things that our child can’t help themselves with, such as whining, or picky eating.
Try to pause and reflect for a moment. And dig deep about the potential triggers. Is it something rooted within our own childhood or is it about our child? Reparent and acknowledge that what we’re doing is hard work, dear parent. We’re breaking generational cycles, and trying to mold ourselves into something that goes against what our bodies were conditioned to be when we were young.
Remind yourself that you’re doing important work.
And that is it, dear parent, my top 4 tips for you to stay encouraged when you’re questioning your approach to discipline. Hopefully, these tips resonated with you. And if you need other resources on respectful parenting, you can check them below:
How to Use Praise to Gently Discipline Your Child
5 Ways To Get Your Child To Listen to You
7 Steps to Handle Your Toddler’s Big Feelings
Always cheering for you in your respective parenting journey, dear parent!
Kristine🌸
