Mantras I Say to Overcome the Difficult Parenthood Days
It’s flu season again and guess what that means? Even more fussiness and overwhelming moments because our little ones are trying to cope with how uncomfortable they’re feeling. And I thought it’d be prudent to share some of my mantras for any overwhelmed parent like me out there. Hope that these lines would resonate with you and would help you get through some of parenthood’s difficult moments!
1. Progress not perfection. Today is just a day, tomorrow is another day. To all of us warrior parents, we’re doing the best that we can, and sometimes the guilt just kills us when we see how the other parents are just killing it through social media or when we look at other picture-perfect family moments of our neighbors across the street. But I just want you to remember this, your child does not need those picture-perfect moments, they need YOU. You who took care of them, day in and day out, you who kept them clean (most of the time), fed them (even if it’s just the same chicken nuggets), who played with them (even if just for 10 minutes), and the list could probably go on, but it’s YOU ultimately who makes them feel loved, straight down to their soul. The fact that you’re doing things to improve your parenting ways already says a lot about how far you’ll go for your child. And tomorrow will be another day for you to practice them. They don’t need a perfect parent. They just simply need you.
2. It’s okay to be *insert big feelings*. Yes, it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling dear parent. Whether it is frustrated, angry, anxious, triggered, and the list goes on. The first step to overcoming big feelings is to acknowledge them. And from acknowledging and bringing awareness to your state, when you’re in a calmer moment, you can try to figure out the tools you’d need to overcome such a state. Now I’m not a credible therapist or anything, but for me, a healthy release of big feelings/emotions would be like taking a minute to clear my head(or maybe even ugly cry), taking big breaths, maybe even screaming in a pillow. Please be kind to yourselves and know that all feelings are okay, but all of the resulting actions of these feelings are not (such as hitting or shaking our child). If you feel like you can’t have a proper handle on these actions (or depressions, or PPA), please seek professional help with someone you’re comfortable with.
3. I know my child best. In this period of time where information is readily available, we might tend to be overwhelmed by the many things and words of advice being thrown at us from different directions (hello, relatives and internet). But of all this information, you know your child best. You get to choose what would work best for you, your child, and your family. You’re the one who needs to put in the effort in the long run of raising your child, not you, the internet, or your relatives, so at the end of the day, you get to choose how you wish to parent your child. Deep breathes, dear mamas and dadas. Continue to learn, say thank you politely to the unsolicited advice, and filter all the unnecessary details and choose wisely. Always go with your gut instinct. At the end of the day, repeat this again, You know your child best.
4. Me and my child are learning together. When you feel like such a failure because of the stuff that you “should have” known. Pause. Take deep breathes. Remember this phrase. You and your child are still learning. Whether you’re a first-time parent or someone who already has a few years of experience under your belt, every child you’d have is unique and may need a different parenting approach. You’re relearning how to become a better parent than your parents, your child is learning to navigate this world that from the womb was so much more comfortable. So give you, your partner, and your child grace for messing up once in a while. Learn to repair mess-ups, apologize sincerely, do our best to not repeat said mistakes, and just do better next time. I believe this is a must as well for our own child to learn, that we will never be perfect parents, people make mistakes, but it’s how we owe up to that mistakes that they’ll learn true resiliency and responsibility.
How about you? What are your favorite mantras to repeat to yourselves when the tough gets going? Do share them to inspire and comfort other weary parents out there. Bottom line though, we’re all doing the best that we can. Let’s be kind to not just ourselves, to our fellow warrior parents, to our kids, but to everyone else.
