Ways to Overcome Couple Issues As First Time Parents

For couples who have gone strong and are going stronger into their marriage, sometimes having a kid in the equation may lead to some unwanted clashes in the seventh heaven relationship. And that’s ok and normal. But as unresolved issues tend to do, they may serve to create a huge disharmony in the way your family will be raised. So here are some of the tips I can share that me and my husband did to help clear such issues as a couple.

1. Have a 10 minute one on one time. Oftentimes, when we become parents, our whole being is shifted to focus on our kid and not so much on taking care of ourselves or our relationship with our significant other. Time is a blearing concept, especially when you’re both sleep-deprived. But no matter what, I feel that time set aside for each other, even if it’s just 10 minutes, would fill in your love tanks like no other. In these 10 minutes, without phones or any gadgets, do whatever it is you guys want to reconnect with each other. Eye contact, full attention on each other, and basically check in with each other for at least 10 minutes, even 5 if there’s really no time. This helps in grounding each other especially when you’re getting overwhelmed with all things parenting, and to make sure that you and your partner are seen and heard with whatever state they’re in.

2. Pray and read devotions together. As faith is an integral part of how I and my husband plans to raise our kids, it just makes sense that we ourselves need to set the model that we’re committed to doing such traditions. And if you don’t believe in some higher being, no judgments, you can skip to the next point :). But hopefully for the majority of you, no matter what faith you practice, God (Allah, Jehovah, Vishnu, no matter the name) is our Heavenly Parent. And connecting to our Heavenly Parent through His words will always help us ground ourselves to what kind of parenting is like. The kind of love that we can only hope to pass on to our children, modeled and inspired to us by our Parent in Heaven.

3. Say at least one good thing about the other. This can be included in your 10 minute one on one time, but honestly, me and my husband’s 10-minute one-on-one time topics can go over everything and anything under the sun. So I feel that this tip should be a separate session where you just say something to your significant other to show your appreciation for anything, even if it’s a random act. Thank you for giving me 2 minutes to take a breather, for warming up my coffee, for doing the laundry, for listening to me. Amidst the thousand and one things that you might find annoying or triggering your partner has done today, there must be one good thing your partner has done, said, or acted that you appreciate.

4. Learn to ask for help. Really and truly, it takes a village to raise a child. So how does one even begin to deal with raising a child on their own? I’m lucky enough to be living with my in-laws, but I still feel exhausted a lot of times after finally putting my little bean to bed, if you know, you just know. So you and your partner both need to gauge each other’s threshold level of overwhelm-ness and reach out for help. Whether it is from one another, or to other people whom you can trust. I get it though, that this is easier said than done due to the pandemic circumstances. But do try. Build your own village, if you must. Seek out help, and find the people whom you can trust to help on this mammoth task of helping you to raise your child.

5. Learn to offer your help. I feel that this is especially crucial for the person who is not the ‘default’ parent. Don’t wait for your partner to tell you what to do. Genuinely come from a place of sincerity, curiosity, and eagerness and ask, “what can I do for you now?” Even if it means cleaning up the toilet, washing that poop-stained clothes, or the bottles (and the list goes on because caring for the house may sometimes be thrown out the window when you have a kid), or maybe take over caring for the kid. Communication is where it’s at. And a place of curiosity is always always better than to come from a place of judgments in times of wondering why our partner doesn’t seem to get what we expect them to do. But just a gentle reminder: your partner is not a mind reader, so always do communicate. And when they genuinely ask you how to help you, try not to be sarcastic and just simply answer them.

So there you have it. Hope that these suggestions help you in trying to mend your relationship together with your spouse. It’s also prudent to note that conflicts and disagreements are bound to occur because you and your partner are two different and unique individuals. But remember that you and your partner were also capable of bringing your little bundle of joy to life. And no matter the circumstances, your couple’s relationship is one of your baby’s most unshakable foundations of what true love means. Wishing you all the best dear parents! You got this!